Words of Wisdom (Teeth)



A few months ago, I got my wisdom teeth out. They drugged me up, stuffed my mouth full of gauze and sent me home after the procedure. I used the Note feature on my iPhone to communicate with Colby. Obviously, our conversations were very one-sided because I was all gooey and dumb. I just found my side of the conversation saved in the app and I thought it was pretty funny, because I can only remember bits and pieces from that day.

May I present to you… my words of wisdom. Teeth.

I started babbling in the room because I was so nervous

Wow I can still type pretty good


Don’t worry. I don’t have AIDS.

I saw Dr. Mitton for a second before conking out. The China show was on a TV in there too.

Get some reading done?

What book? The history one?

This is handy.


81? 84?

I ain’t carrying it.

Is your mom in town?

How fast does a Perxa et kick in?

Do we have any?

And salt

She gave you a syringe?

I’ll have to tke a Percacetbefotehand

I don’t know how hard I should be pressing down on this gauze

My mouth is curled up like the f***in’ Joker.

The shoppers sign is spiky

I thought I wasn’t supposed to feel anything the first data

Could you turn that on, but turn the temp on it up?

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Jillianne Hamilton is the author of Molly Miranda: Thief for Hire, its two action/comedy sequels, and The Lazy Historian's Guide to the Wives of Henry VIII. She is also a graphic designer, a hoarder of podcasts and a history enthusiast. Learn more.

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